I’m not a bad person. I don’t generally perceive myself that way, and I believe others don’t perceive me that way either. In the way I view the world, the life of a human being, and especially the life of an American, consumes a great number of resources. I consciously try to minimize the harm that my life causes to others and I hope to dedicate my life to better the world beyond the detriment that I have caused. I’m a vegetarian and minimize my consumption of animal products for ethical reasons, I exclusively buy second-hand clothing to save money and to try to live beyond our consumerist culture, and I live my life in a way which, beyond the aforementioned which also have environmental benefits, minimizes my impact on the environment. I have strong morals which I live by and I am fortunate in that they generally don’t disagree with the laws or policies which I am subjected to. Based on all of that, I would like to think that I am a “good person” (if I grossly oversimplify all of mankind into a binary of good and bad). I am not perfect, however, but I do believe that the only crimes that I have ever committed are victimless.

      Yes, I have smoked weed. I’ve never bought it—I’ve never put money into that system. But I have friends who do and who smoke from time to time. It’s not something that I mind that they do, but it’s not something that I particularly enjoy doing myself. On the night of February 20^th I made some very poor decisions. I allowed weed to be smoked in my room, and I smoked a little as well. In hindsight was a terrible idea, but every action taken seems rational in the moment that it is taken. So what was my rationale? Because the use of marijuana is illegal, there are risks to every location available to students here where it could possibly be used, and those risks must be weighed if a student wishes to use it. In the moment when my friend asked if he could smoke in my room, I decided to agree. It is a safer location than, say, going to the park where there is also risk of arrest, and also because my room is a single this year I would not be harming anyone besides those involved. I know now that I made a poor decision. I was caught and I have been punished for it and I will continue to be punished for it. Beyond my ongoing probation which for me is not a punishment because I am not planning on further violating residence hall policies, I now have a disciplinary record with the college. This can follow me well into the future should it be asked on any application that I fill out. A simple decision that I made in an instant, a decision that hurt no one, may negatively impact the rest of my life.

      I don’t think that there is anything terrible about smoking weed. I don’t believe that it is significantly worse for you than drinking alcohol, and I believe that for some people that it may be a better alternative. No one gets angry or violent while high. Regardless of the effects, its use only negatively affects the user and is a matter of their personal choice. Therefore I personally believe that marijuana should be legal for adults. This is a belief that I hold strongly. Unfortunately, much of society disagrees. Marijuana is perceived as a destructive force on our culture and something that should be purged from society, lumped alongside much harder drugs like heroine. For a person to have marijuana associated with their image, either publically or on their college or criminal record, is detrimental to their image. They will lose respect in our society because of it.

      I generally try to fight for the things that I believe in. If I see an injustice, I will do what I can to fix it. For a number of years now I have been involved in activism—in high school I was a member of an anti-war group that did a number of actions around my hometown of Des Moines like a sit-in at our senator’s office, and now I’m involved in the Columbia student group SEEJ which works on environmental and labor issues to create lasting change on campus. I am proud to associate my name with causes like these, and I hope to continue work on similar campaigns in the future. While I do believe that marijuana should be legal and that people should have that freedom, I think that causes such as these are more worth my time to fight for and bring about a greater good. Also, because of the stigma that weed has in our society, if I were to attach my name to that cause it could compromise my ability to fight for causes that I feel are more worthwhile. Not as much in my ability to work as a part of a student group, but more so my ability to get into graduate school or start a career. At this point there is already an indelible mark on my name associating me with marijuana, but I hope that the mark is insignificant enough to not prevent me from doing whatever I am otherwise qualified to do in life.

      Although damage has already been done, I still can take steps to prevent further damage to my name. From this point forward, marijuana can in no way be a part of my life. It is no sacrifice in that it is not an activity that I enjoy, but it may prove difficult in that it is an activity that many of my friends do. I can no longer be around them when they have it, are using it, or are under the influence of it, and I must extract myself from any such situation that I may find myself in, no matter how difficult that may be for me. I only hope that they respect that decision of mine and are willing to accommodate me and that I don’t lose any friends because of it. It is ultimately their decision to use it or not and I support fully their choice to do so. I wish that everyone had that freedom. Unfortunately, however, fighting for the legalization of a recreational activity is not worth jeopardizing my ability to fight for other more crucial causes. So it is simply something that I must completely cut out of my life.

      Marijuana was not my only violation. I was also found to be in possession of alcohol. To me, the issue of alcohol is more complex. The legality of drinking and possessing alcohol centers entirely on your date of birth. After 20 or 21 years of life, the maturity and responsibility of an individual does not fluctuate drastically from month to month. The date becomes somewhat arbitrary. I was born in 1989. One day very soon, a legal switch will flip and I will be able to drink and possess alcohol perfectly legally. One day alcohol will have legal repercussions that can harm my future, the next day it won’t. I don’t believe that the current drinking age is the best option. I think that it should be lowered to 19, giving most college students legal access to alcohol except for incoming first year students who are likely most at risk for binge drinking. But again, it is not an issue that I believe is worth fighting for. The issue will shortly be resolved in my life and in the life of every current 19- and 20-year-old. It’s smarter for me just to wait. I don’t need to change the role of alcohol in my life permanently, but only for a very short duration of time. I will one day again possess alcohol once I can do so legally. Even once legal, there are risks and dangers to alcohol use, but these dangers can be drastically reduced through sensible, modest consumption. I have never used alcohol unreasonably, never plan to, and I know the limits of reasonable consumption.

      Overall, I have learned from this experience. My values have not changed—that is not the role of the college’s disciplinary procedures. But I have been held accountable for my actions in a way that people rarely are. Policies are policies and the law is the law. If you are caught violating either, there are true and lasting repercussions. Many people go about their lives practically disregarding the potential consequences because the risk of being caught is so low. I have learned that regardless of my beliefs, this is the world that I currently live in and that the risk of consequences is real and in no way worthwhile for a simple recreational activity.